Blame
by Rollieo 122
Summary: Inspired by Wednesday's episode 'Back To School'. Rachel waits for Smithy to wake up in hospital, and Nate blames himself for Smithy being stabbed, though it wasn't his fault. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own The Bill, it belongs to ITV...**

**Author's note: Well, this story was inspired by Wednesday's episode: what more can I say? For a bit of randomness, it's currently 1:45am, so for the sake of my (in)sanity, I hope you enjoy it!**

*******

Blame

Rachel stood outside the room, watching through the window as the nurses fussed over Smithy, who was lying completely still on the bed. He looked so peaceful, that if it wasn't for the continual beeping of the machines that were linked to him that she might have been more worried. At least he was alive. That was the good thing, as things might have turned out a lot worse.

The door opened as a nurse walked out. She jumped. She had been so deep in thought about what could have happened that she hadn't been paying attention to what was happening.

"You can go in now…" the nurse said.

"How is he?" Rachel asked, still looking at Smithy through the window.

"He's still unconscious at the moment … He's been through a lot today, now it's taking its toll… But he should be fine, given enough time…"

"Tough as nails, that's what Smithy is… Tough as nails…"

The nurse smiled. "I can tell he's a fighter…" She looked at Smithy through the glass, before putting her hand on Rachel's arm. "Go and sit with him," she said gently, "and I know it might sound stupid, but talk to him… It'll help him if he hears a familiar voice…"

Rachel looked at the nurse and smiled. "Thanks…" she said, opening the door to the room.

"No problem!" the nurse replied, as Rachel disappeared into the room. She stood and watched for a minute, before returning to her rounds.

Rachel walked over to the foot of the bed, pausing to watch the steady rise and fall of Smithy's chest, before sitting in the chair next to his bed. She reached out to pick up his hand, but thought against it and put her hand back in her lap.

She opened her mouth to say something, but was at a loss for what to say. She thought about talking about Nate, but thought against it. She closed her mouth and reached out for his hand again. She was just drawing it away again, but a voice startled her.

"It's alright; you can touch him you know… He won't suddenly shatter as soon as you do…" It was the nurse again, standing just inside the room by the door.

Rachel looked at her. "I know, it's just…" She sighed. "I just can't…"

The nurse smiled and walked over to Rachel. She put her hand on the young officer's shoulder. "Go on…" she said reassuringly.

Rachel reached out and took Smithy's hand in hers, rejoicing secretly inside as she felt the warmth coming from it.

"See, now that wasn't that hard, was it?" the nurse said.

"No…"

"You really should try talking to him…"

"I want to, I really do, but I don't know what to say…"

"I'm sure you'll think of something…" The nurse squeezed Rachel's shoulder before walking out of the room and watching from the window.

Rachel sighed, before taking a deep breath. "Hey Smithy… I would ask you how you were, but it's probably a pointless question…" She trailed off, watching him for a moment, before she continued. "We were all really worried about you, you know… Actually, I still am… And I know someone else who is as well…" She paused again, looking at the numerous machines attached to the sergeant. Sometimes she really hated hospitals. "Nate's really worried about you… Almost to the point that he's hardly saying anything apart from that he thinks he should have been with you…" She sighed, thinking of how to phrase what she wanted to say next. It felt really stupid and a bit odd to her, talking to someone who was completely out of it. She almost stood up to pace the room, but holding his hand was unconsciously comforting her. "You know, he blames himself for this… for you being stabbed and everything. We keep telling him that it wasn't his fault, but he won't listen, all he says 'I should have been there' and 'if I had been there, it wouldn't have happened'… But it might have happened anyway, and he might have been the one lying here, not you… Not that I'm saying I wish it was him lying here…" she added hastily, in case Smithy could hear her and got the wrong idea. "I'd rather it was neither of you lying here, to be honest… It would be better if this hadn't happened at all… But then again, if this hadn't happened today, maybe it might have happened some other day, and maybe it could have been Nate lying here in a hospital bed…" Rachel looked at the machine monitoring Smithy's heartbeat again, then back at the man himself, still unconscious. She willed him to wake up soon, so that she didn't feel quite so stupid. "I really doubt you do, but I hope you don't blame Nate for this. Not that I think you would, but…" She trailed off as she felt the previously limp grip on her hand tighten slightly. "Smithy?" she said, looking at him. He squeezed her hand again, trying to open his eyes. Rachel looked away from him and saw the nurse at the window. With her free hand, she beckoned the nurse in.

"I think he's coming round…" Rachel said, looking back at Smithy. She still held his hand. She stroked his forehead with her other hand. "It's alright, Smithy, you're doing really well…"

"Dale, I'd like you to open your eyes for me, alright? Come on, honey, you can do it…" the nurse said. Rachel couldn't help but think she sounded a little patronising.

"Come on, Smithy… I know you're trying really hard already, but can you open your eyes for me?" Rachel said. Almost immediately afterwards, Smithy slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. She sighed in relief. It was good to see those eyes again.

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it, Dale?" the nurse said, on hand on her hip as she looked at him. He turned his attention away from Rachel temporarily as he glared at the nurse, who then busied herself with the charts at the foot of his bed, slightly embarrassed.

Rachel smirked, and just about managed to suppress a laugh. Smithy looked back at her, tilted his head slightly at the nurse and rolled his eyes. Rachel coughed to cover another laugh, and grinned at him. Though he might not be able to talk, Smithy was still able to put the nurse in her place.

The nurse walked back over to Smithy. Both he and Rachel watched her as she did so. "I'm just gonna take this tube out from your throat, alright Dale?" she said nervously, glancing between the two officers.

Smithy looked at Rachel before looking back at the nurse. "Don't worry, Dale, it won't hurt in the slightest…" the nurse continued.

There was an awkward silence as the nurse busied herself getting together the necessary equipment.

Rachel cleared her throat. "I'm coming right back," she said, addressing Smithy more than the nurse. "I just need to ring the Superintendent to tell him you're awake…" Smithy, who had been watching the nurse, turned to Rachel and glared at her, clearly not happy. "I'm sorry, Smithy…" She looked at him apologetically. "If you need me, I'll be just outside, ok? I'll stay where you can see me…" Smithy rolled his eyes again and inclined his head towards the door. "I'll be back soon, I promise…" Rachel stood up and gave Smithy's hand a final squeeze before walking out of the room.

As she waited for the Superintendent to answer the phone, Rachel looked back through the glass. She saw Smithy looking daggers at the nurse while her back was turned. Rachel couldn't help but laugh, before turning away from the window to talk to the Superintendent.

*** * ***

Meanwhile, Nate had arrived back at the station along with Ben. The Superintendent had told them to wait in the soft interview room, and he had asked Mel to watch the boys and make sure they didn't do anything stupid.

Mel and Ben were sitting on one of the sofas in the room, whereas Nate was silently pacing the room, his hands in fists and his jaw set. Mel looked at Ben, who nodded his head before looking back at Nate, clearing her throat.

"Nate?" she said. "Are you alright?" She waited for his reaction.

"I should have been there. I should have backed him up…" He didn't stop pacing when he answered her.

"And you really think that would have been clever? What if you had been there and it was you that had been stabbed?" Ben said.

"It would have been better than this…" was the reply.

"Nate…" Mel started. "Nate, at least stop pacing so I can talk to you properly… You're giving me a headache!"

"Yeah, and if you carry on at that rate, you're gonna make a hole in the floor!" Ben added.

Nate stopped pacing and flopped down into a chair. His fists were still clenched though. "If I had been there with Smithy and hadn't gone after that other bloke, none of this would have happened…" Nate said quietly.

"You don't know that! It might have done anyway! And even if it hadn't happened today, maybe it could happen some other time in the future, to someone else…" Ben countered.

"But it didn't, and it's my fault… My fault that Smithy's lying in the hospital, and…"

"No it isn't, Nate! The guy was carrying a knife! You know that's what happens when people carry knives! Don't blame yourself because it's not your fault!" Mel said, exasperated.

"The fault lies with the guy carrying the knife…" Ben added. The room lapsed into silence.

"…Sorry…" said Nate and Mel at the same time.

"What are you sorry for?" Nate said to Mel.

Before she could answer, there was a knock on the door. Tony poked his head around the door. "Sorry to interrupt you three, but the Superintendent and DI Nixon want to see you in the Super's office, Nate…" he said.

"Alright, I'm coming…" Nate replied, before standing up and walking out of the room. Tony smiled at Ben and Mel, before closing the door.

"As Nate said, what were you sorry for?" Ben asked, curious.

"I shouldn't have flown off the handle at him like that…"

"Don't worry; I'm sure he's not upset with you… He deserved it anyway, the way he's been behaving…"

"Doesn't stop me feeling guilty though…" Ben put an arm around Mel's shoulder and pulled her towards him, unaware of Tony watching them through the door.

*******

Back in the hospital, Smithy was looking at the pictures on the laptop to try to identify his attacker. So far, he had come up with a blank.

While he looked at the pictures, Rachel stood next to Smithy. She watched him carefully, and after he had explained to her how scared he had felt, she felt a sudden urge to protect him and look after him. She looked at the dressing which was on his chest. He had been really lucky this time, but next time (she hoped and prayed there wouldn't be a next time) he might not be so lucky.

Smithy looked up from the pictures and saw Rachel looking at him.

"I heard what you said earlier…" he said.

She concentrated on his face. "All of it?"

"Yeah." Rachel looked away, blushing slightly. When she looked back, he was still looking at her, smiling slightly.

"I don't blame him, you know…" he continued, nodding his head towards the door.

"I didn't think you would. But you need to tell him that, not me…"

"I know." Smithy looked back at the laptop.

An idea popped into Rachel's head. "You know, for a man who couldn't talk, you didn't half put that nurse in her place! Do you realise how hard it was for me not to laugh?" she said lightly.

He smiled. "I thought you were having problems containing your… amusement…" Rachel laughed. "She deserved it though, with her 'come on, honey, you can do it!' and 'now, that wasn't so hard!' rubbish…"

Rachel laughed again at his attempt at an impersonation of the nurse, which probably would have been better under normal circumstances.

"Just don't give up your day job in favour of being an impressionist…!" she said between laughter. Though it would be safer, she thought to herself.

"I don't plan to… Well, not any time soon!" he said, still smiling. "But you have to admit, she was being a bit patronising…"

"Not until you stopped her without saying a word! The look you gave her… If looks could kill…"

"She got a bit embarrassed after that…"

"Wouldn't you be if you'd just been put in your place by a person with a single look?"

"Fair point…" Smithy looked back at the laptop again. He was just about to say he didn't recognise anyone when he saw the last picture. He froze, staring at the picture.

"Smithy, what is it?" Rachel asked, noticing the change. She didn't get an answer. "Smithy?"

"I think it might have been this guy… He looks familiar, but I'm not sure…" he said, stammering slightly. Rachel looked at the picture, before shutting the laptop.

"Alright Smithy, it's ok…" she said, stroking his arm gently as tears threatened to run down his face.

Once he had managed to calm himself down, Rachel took the laptop and let go of his arm. "I'd better make a move, Nate's gonna be wondering where I am… And you need your rest…"

"Ok…" As if to illustrate her second point, Smithy yawned.

"It's all this excitement! It's worn you out!" Rachel joked.

"Obviously." Smithy smiled. "I take it you will be back…"

"At some point, yes… And anyway, I'm sure at least some people will visit you…"

"I'm sure they will… There's one person I'm not so sure about…"

"Don't worry about him, I'll make sure he comes… Anyway, I'd best be off…"

"Alright. See you later…"

"Bye, Smithy…" Rachel turned and was nearly at the door when Smithy called her back.

"Oh, and Rachel?" he said.

"Yes, Smithy?"

"Thank you…"

"For what?"

"Everything you've done for me today. It means a lot."

She smiled. "That's alright, Smithy. Now get some rest!"

"Yes, ma'am!" he replied.

Rachel walked out of the room and found Nate still waiting for her. "Are you ready to go?" she asked him.

"Yes, ma'am…" he replied, looking back through the window at Smithy quickly before they left.


End file.
